Fittin' in Britain

Grating on my nerves.

2008-05-08T21:04:00.002+01:00

So what's the deal with grated cheese sandwiches? Does anyone honestly think that grated cheese makes a better sandwich filler than say, sliced cheese? Do people like seeing half the contents of their sandwich fall to the plate as they try to eat it? Or do British people have a better grip than those of us from other countries?

Anyway.

"Yeah you don't get that information without dinner and a couple of cocktails...."

2008-03-08T23:01:00.002Z

(My thoughts regarding having to submit my biometric info to the data-saving-challenged UK government by the end of the year.)

The only thing more creepy would be having to submit it to the American government.

Radio-Free England

2008-01-09T14:49:00.000Z

Very sad about losing Pandora in the UK.

Officially the Weirdest Email to Go 'Round the Office Today.

2007-10-29T15:46:00.000Z

Did you leave your trousers in my office??!! After a day away from the office (on Thursday) I returned and found a pair of black mens trousers in my office. Not having seen any of your walking around without your trousers I am not sure to whom I should return them. Please come and collect them if they are yours.

Thank you,
------------

Pig Out.

2007-10-17T00:21:00.001+01:00

For more about British people and their seeming obsession with hog roasts, tune in next time...

Rugby.

2007-09-28T15:28:00.000+01:00

So this world cup thingie is my first ever foray into the sport of rugby. Myoffice has set up a "pool" of sorts and I've been given the Italy team to support, whihc I'm happy to do, but having watched my first ever rugby match the other week, I just want to say that I never want to hear how violent American football is again. I mean sheesh. Ok, that is all.

Michael Sick

2007-08-21T22:18:00.000+01:00

I've been really disturbed--even from "across the pond"-- about the Michael Vick dogfighting case and I'd planned to do a post about why. But really, all my reasons have already been mentioned by others: the cruelty, the insanity of such a rich guy trying to get even more rich by profiting off cruelty, the fact that he lied about being involved...but the simple fact is that I'm upset and angry because two of my major loves are dogs and American football and Michael Vick has abused both. And I know "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and all, but I can't help hoping that he goes to jail. I'm sorry, but I can't.

Just a quick question.

2007-08-05T01:37:00.000+01:00

Why aren't there screens on windows in the UK? Just wondering.

"ice Cream!" I Screamed

2007-07-29T22:56:00.000+01:00

If you live in or near or nearish to London and you've never been to Ben and Jerry's Sundae on the Common, then let me see...how can I put this nicely...oh yeah, what is WRONG with you?! Seriously, free ice cream, decent bands (was v. fun to see The Proclaimers) and did I mention, free ice cream for the masses? No wonder everyone seemed so happy and mellow.

London Underground dinner party

2007-07-15T16:34:00.001+01:00

Period Costume Dude at Basildon Park

2007-06-23T23:15:00.000+01:00

actually uses the phrase "lust tiger"

Speaking of Dad...

2007-06-23T22:56:00.000+01:00

He would have been wild about where I went today with Julie, Zoe and Nicole...to Basildon Park...where they filmed a lot of the Keira Knightley version of Pride and Prejudice (not my fave version btw, am I really supposed to buy Keira Knightley as a woman a guy would find unattractive at first? puhlease.) anyways...

Father's Day Shout Out

2007-06-16T22:04:00.000+01:00

I love him and miss him and believe in him. And he has a heart the size of Jupiter. Happy Father's Day, Pops.

Riddle me this.

2007-06-13T22:30:00.000+01:00

I'm having a hard time remembering when exactly we started caring about who was giving voice to animated features. It seems like every time a animated film is released these days we have to know up front which celebrities are lending their voices to the characters. Now, my problem with this is two-fold:

1. I've a great respect for voiceover artists and I bet a good number of them are getting screwed out of a job just so a movie can amp up the fact that some celeb is behind the talking frog or penguin or whatever. (I'm not talking about roles where versatility is needed like Robin Williams as the genie in Aladdin, etc. I'm talking about characters that just require a nice, pleasant voice, which brings me to part 2 of the two-fold problem...)

2. Part of the point of animation is that, well, it's animated; it's illusory. We are supposed to believe in the character and not be able to picture the person behind what's been fashioned so carefully on screen. It's actually distracting.

So there ya go.

(Truth be told, I have no idea who played Ariel and I don't really need to know, but whoever she is, I hope she hasn't lost her job to Cameron Diaz.)

20 days and counting....

2007-06-10T23:07:00.000+01:00

20 more days until cigarette smoking is banned in UK establishments and forced out into the fresh open air where it belongs.

Texas accent, revisited.

2007-06-07T10:10:00.001+01:00

Well, after years of trying to shed my Texas accent, I'm afraid that after seeing Vernon God Little at the Young Vic last night, it's rearing it's Southern head. Apologies all 'round, y'all.

Fwwwwt! Fwwwwwt! Swooosh.

2007-06-04T09:58:00.000+01:00

(that would be the sound of me wiping dust off my blog.)

You can't make this stuff up.

2007-05-17T22:46:00.000+01:00

A booth at the Christian Resources Convention I worked at today...

C'mon it's only Cornell...

2007-05-14T18:39:00.000+01:00

As a writer/ editor and sometimes-proofer, this made me feel reel gud.

photo from www.ivygateblog.com

Yes I still find this funny.

2007-05-03T15:11:00.000+01:00

I know this has been posted everywhere, but I still find it amusing so...

1. Go to Google maps.
2. Click on get directions.
3. Go from " Atlanta " to " Paris , France ".
4. Scroll down in the directions to number 22.

Heehee

2007-04-30T17:26:00.000+01:00

I admit, I'm a newcomer to Gallery of the Absurd, but this may make me a loyal fan:

Adverts

2007-04-29T21:43:00.000+01:00

I think the statistic in America is that one out of every three commercials ("adverts" in the UK) is a car commercial. Here it seems like one out of every three adverts contains some sort of animation of something that should not have been anthropomorphized. Case in point, I recently had a chance to catch up on some television (i.e. TiVoed erpisodes of The Daily Show) and as I sped through the adverts I caught a) animated baked beans (cuz you know they so lend themselves to humanization), animated electrical outlets and animated toilet bacteria (the last of which was impetus for this blog post....I mean, toilet bacteria, really? Yeesh.).

Good food, good sangria and popping in to the House of Commons to watch a debate.

2007-04-18T14:01:00.000+01:00

a.k.a. Tuesday night

To all those in the queue at Paddington Station who witnessed me losing my shizzy at the ticket seller....

2007-04-18T09:13:00.000+01:00

...I apologise. Normally I'm very cool, calm and collected when I'm being treated like rubbish by a guy who obviously failed train ticket school.

Cadbury Eggs...smaller?

2007-04-13T22:38:00.001+01:00

The very funny BJ Novak discussing a very important issue.

Fortunately in the UK the eggs have remained the same size...which is a good thing, even if Liz doesn't like them. :)

I think this is so interesting....

2007-04-10T00:51:00.000+01:00

The onions may be a bit much, but still

The URL in case the link doesn't work:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=447434&in_page_id=1879&in_page_id=1879&expand=true#StartComments

Happy Easter, Blogland!

2007-04-08T18:46:00.000+01:00

Ironic story for the day:

British supermarket in gaffe over meaning of Easter

dpa German Press Agency
Published: Wednesday April 4, 2007

London- A leading British supermarket chain was left with
egg on its face when it got muddled over the meaning of Easter in an
advert to promote chocolate egg sales, the Times reported Wednesday.
The Somerfield chain, quoting a survey, said in a press release
that while Britons were planning to spend millions on Easter eggs,
many young people did not even know the meaning of the Christian
festival.

Handing out Easter eggs symbolizes "the birth of Jesus," explained
Somerfield in its original release, which was later corrected to read
"the rebirth" of Christ.

A final, third press release, drafted after consultation with the
Church of England, said Easter celebrated the resurrection of Christ.

"We spoke to the Church of England press office, who suggested we
use the word resurrection, in keeping with the Church's teaching,"
said a Somerfield spokesman.

Ben Wilson, from the Church of England press office, said about
the Somerfield release: "It was a genuine mistake, if rather
unfortunate."

© 2006 - dpa German Press Agency

"They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Sh*t, it's raining.'"

2007-04-07T21:22:00.000+01:00

This quote, from the character Ruby in Cold Mountain, pretty much sums up how I feel about the Sanjaya thing. Except of course that the quote was referring to the Civil War and not some crazytown reality show.

I've refrained from commenting on this until now for a few reasons: 1) I'm lazy, 2) I kind of feel like a bit of an AI poser, since this is the first season I've really watched (excluding of course viewing a few choice episodes at P*s house back in SF) and 3) I don't really need to comment; everyone else already has.

But the more I read quotes from AI producers and personalities, the more annoyed I get. Truthfully, I think their annoyance is feigned; I'm sure they are annoyed all the way to the bank, right? But to hear Ryan Seacrest tell a fan who was complaining about Sanjaya still being on the show, "Hey, you're doing it" and to hear Simon Cowell "threaten" to quit if Sanjaya wins--I have no choice but to comment, and my comment is this: YOU did it. The judges are the ones who advanced him to the top 24. YOU were the ones that gave him and his sister all that camera time, going back again and again to the fact that they were siblings. (Kind of like how YOU only put Anotonella Barba and whatshername through because they were best friends and good looking.) Eveyone else is supposed to spend their time and use up their text messages to reverse something that YOU started?

YOU made the weather.

By the way, I hope Melinda wins...though I do like the fact that Sanjaya rhymes with Jambalaya. Mmmmmm Jambalaya....

Thought for the day.

2007-04-04T12:27:00.000+01:00

"There are an estimated 4.2 million CCTV cameras in Britain. That's one for every 14 people." --BBC

Dangit, I want my own.

Farewell, my Carbohydrates.

2007-04-02T15:52:00.000+01:00

Passover begins tonight!

The Lure of the Gerrund

2007-03-30T16:39:00.000+01:00

So I know that "dissertationing" isn't a word, but I decided to plunk it into dictionary.com just to see what would come up. The outcome? "No results for 'dissertationing' found. Dictionary suggestion: 'destitution'."

Yeah, sounds about right.

hate to admit it

2007-03-29T19:33:00.000+01:00

i've always strongly disliked avril lavigne but j edward keyes was right...that "girlfriend" song is addictive...

oh and okkervil river's "the president's dead"...a must-hear. it's on myspace

Inte(red)sting

2007-03-24T14:21:00.001Z

http://buylesscrap.org

As Tracy Flick would say, this is an "unconscionable travesty"

2007-03-18T20:10:00.000Z

Copy and paste the link below to save Veronica Mars

Now.

http://www.eonline.com/gossip/kristin/blog/index.jsp?uuid=75a31622-f0e6-4166-be21-798de6671716

Banner wuz here.

2007-03-16T11:55:00.000Z

When I came into work yesterday, this is what my chair looked lke. If anyone out there knows who tore my chair into four pieces, let me know. Otherwise I will just assume that one of my co-workers in the communications team is the Incredible Hulk.

The Seagull at The Royal Court Theatre

2007-03-14T08:46:00.000Z

So very good. Kristin Scott Thomas is beautiful and Mackenzie Crook was excellent. Such a great production--it was like food.

A Tribute to Percy Pigs in Haiku Form

2007-03-01T21:53:00.000Z

Open the package
(Mmmm best thing about Britain)
Gone in three minutes.

Can't.Turn it. Off....

2007-02-26T00:20:00.000Z

OK so it's 12:22 AM and I'm still up watching red carpet coverage...Ryan Seacrest is so painfully awkward at times, it's almost mesmerizing. The best part so far was when he was interviewing Al Gore about "An Inconvenient Truth" and environmental issues whilst the camera was zero-ing in on Jessica Biel's arse. Boo, E!, boo! And yet I'm still watching.

1 AM is late, y'all.

2007-02-25T16:16:00.000Z

The question is, am I enough of an Oscar junkie to stay up to watch the awards? I mean, the fact is I haven't seen "Babel" or "Letters from Iwo Jima" and I thought the end of "The Departed" was poop. On the other hand, I love Ellen and am still haunted by the Dench/ Blanchett performances in "Notes on a Scandal" plus I'm still holding out hope that Jackie Ealre Haley will snag a win for his disturbingly fantastic performance in "Little Children."

It's a toughie...then again, maybe that's why I'm so thankful to be born in the age of TiVo, or whatever they call it here.

A few words of advice

2007-02-22T23:27:00.000Z

If you type "mojitos and port" (with the quotes) into Google, no pages will come up. There is a reason for this: I'm pretty sure--no matter how delicious these things are--that these beverages were ever meant to be consumed together.

I would just like to say

2007-02-14T22:34:00.000Z

that I hope the Paris Hilton boycott effort is successful. Very successful. Since I rarely stay at a Hilton and I never wear FILA and I'd never ever ever see a Paris Hilton movie even if you threatened to rip out all my arm hairs one by one...there's not much I can do by way of activiely participating in this boycott. But I wish eveyone involved all the best because she is a SBBW.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy 32nd Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

2007-02-09T15:18:00.000Z

I just read that the gift for the 32nd wedding anniversary should be a "gift of conveyance, i.e. an automobile." But considering some of the cars my family has had over the years, a list that includes a powder blue Ford Pinto, a purple Volvo station wagon and a tan-colored boat like vehicle that cost us $50 (£25)...I'd opt for another present. :) Plus, my parents have been known to try to patch a car radiator with bubble gum....:D

Mom and Dad, I love you both. And if you are reading this, shame on you...you should be celebrating!

Report back...

2007-02-05T14:00:00.000Z

1. Finally seeing "Notes on a Scandal" -- eh, didn't happen.
2. Haircut at Taylor Taylor -- very pleased. and my favourite part (hee hee "part") was when I asked Mr. Superstylist if he's ever jabbed someone in the eye with scissors while cutting their fringe, he responded with, "No no no, but I have accidentally yanked some eyebrow rings out...and I just say to them, 'sorry, guess the 90s are officially over.'" :)
3. Making pumpkin pie -- delish and enjoyed by all.
4. Trip to Absolute Vintage -- fantastic, but only if you like rows and rows of fabulous footwear at amazing prices and racks of supercute dresses and hats from decades gone by.
5. Staying up until the creakity crack of dawn to watch the Super Bowl -- totally worth it. But I need a coffee the size of my head.

Things to look forward to this weekend.

2007-02-01T22:39:00.000Z

1. Finally seeing "Notes on a Scandal"
2. Haircut at Taylor Taylor
3. Making pumpkin pie
4. Trip to Absolute Vintage
5. Staying up until the creakity crack of dawn to watch the Super Bowl

As predicted...

2007-02-01T22:35:00.000Z

I was mortified yesterday to see two people at two different times skateboarding through the tunnels at the tube station. Yes. Skateboarding. Why do people insist on making me want to hurt them? On the bright side, there was a great female singer busking at Bank. She sounded like Juliet Turner.

Sometimes...or The Most one can Hope for when Commuting

2007-01-26T20:35:00.000Z

Sometimes a complete stranger follows you off the train...to give you the glove you unkonwingly dropped.
Sometimes you get a fantastic cup of coffee...from the crappy old stand at Walthamstow Central.
Sometimes it's gray and rainy when you descend into the tube station...and bright and cleary and sunny when you emerge.
Sometimes on the train you look over...and see a little girl doing the most beautiful needlework.
Sometimes a person leaves a copy of The Economist on the seat when they leave...or better still, Vogue.
Sometimes someone gives up their seat for you.
Sometimes you get to give up your seat for someone who needs it more.
Sometimes none of these are true...like Monday, Monday will probably make me want to push someone onto the tracks.
But today, today I got three out of seven...
Which ain't bad.

I can now let go of my grudge.

2007-01-24T10:21:00.000Z

My cynical nature suffered a big time blow this morning.

For a long time now I've held a bitter grudge against the producers of such films as Bridget Jones' Diary that have led me (and no doubt countless other Americans) to believe that it snows in London when--come to find out--that's not the case. I've even gone so far as to label it false advertising.

Well, this morning it snowed!

Don't get me wrong; it's not the huge drifts that suerpskinny Colin Firth and trouser-less Renee Zellweger stand and embrace in...but it is snow nonetheless.

Wow, perhaps you can believe that real life is like the movies after all.

There must be some irked Canadians out there.

2007-01-17T13:08:00.000Z

I've noticed lately that, upon hearing me speak, people tend to sort of timidly ask, "Are you from North America?" or "Do I detect a North American accent?"

This leads me to believe that at some point, Canadians in the UK must have gotten so fed up with being asked, "Are you American?" that they started punching inquirers in the face.

My thoughts on being home sick, or "poorly" as they say here.

2007-01-16T11:05:00.000Z

I have this theory about being home sick and that is this: there is no point in being home sick from work if you are in fact too sick to enjoy it. If that's the case you may as well be at work. The best time to be home sick is when you are just sick enough to justify staying home but not too sick to enjoy your being-at-homeness. You know, when you can drink tea and read in bed and catch up on great films you've been meaning to watch. The kind of sick I am right now, when you are coughing every 4.5 seconds and can barely get motivated to lift the remote...and where blogging this short paragraph has taken waaaaaay too long....this kind stinks. I may as well be at work.
Ok that's my theory. More on why Grand Marnier is better than Nyquil later.

FINALLY!

2007-01-03T14:04:00.000Z

This calls for a second blog post!

2007 so far...

2007-01-03T11:58:00.000Z

...is odd. I submit the following as evidence of its oddness:

My computer at work keeps randomly re-starting itself.

Most played CD so far this year: "King" by T.I. (yeah, the rapper).

I'm strangely extremely bothered by a recent mistake at work (something about a photo in a publication that was labelled Mt. Kenya when it was actually in Nepal).

I'm also strangely *extremely* bothered by the fact that no sooner had 2007 rolled in that I got an email from Illuminations advertising their Valentine's Day candles. Seriously, on 1/1/07

I've imbibed more tea than coffee.

I actually enjoyed "Clerks 2" more than "Clerks."

So there ya have it.

Noe hearts her little bro.

2006-12-30T01:40:00.000Z

And her little bro is having a record release party tonight all the way over in Texas so since I can't be there, I'll pay tribute by poasting their myspace addy here:

http://www.myspace.com/resignedtofate

RTF til deaf!

Love. You. Goobie.

PS. It's punkmetalthrashhardcore in case you were wondering

And now for a Boxing Day tune....

2006-12-26T02:34:00.000Z

You of course have to sing this to the melody of "Oh Chirstmas Tree."

Oh Christmas Fat, Oh Christmas Fat
I hope that you aren’t permanent.
Oh Christmas Fat, Oh Christmas Fat
I hope that you aren’t permanent.

You were not here two weeks ago
Now I shall have to do tae-bo
Oh Christmas Fat, Oh Christmas Fat
I hope that you aren’t permanent

If anoyone out there has a stanza to add, by all means...

Blogging on Christmas. What a loser.

2006-12-25T13:46:00.000Z

I have V* and Gerard Manley Hopkins to thank for my favourite Advent reflection this year:

Now burn, new born to the world,
Doubled-naturèd name,
The heaven-flung, heart-fleshed, maiden-furled
Miracle-in-Mary-of-flame,
Mid-numbered He in three of the thunder-throne!
Not a dooms-day dazzle in his coming nor dark as he came
Kind, but royally reclaiming his own;
A released shower, let flash to the shire, not a lightning of fire hard-hurled.

--from "Wreck of the Deutschland"

It's a mystery. A chicken mystery.

2006-12-18T11:26:00.000Z

As I was travelling around London this weekend I came to a conclusion: Londoners love them some fried chicken.

I must have passed dozens of outlets for fried chicken, with names ranging from the more mundane: KFC, Chicken Express, Best Fried Chicken, to the more succinct Chicken and (my personal favourite) Tasty Chicken Land.

Herein lies the mystery: I never actually see anyone eating fried chicken. So what's the deal?

Holocaust Denial and Double Standards

2006-12-12T11:23:00.000Z

I never use this blog to comment on political issues, but this Holocaust denial conference (and those why 'deny' it's anything otherwise are wrong) is so loathsome I can't help it. Perhaps Jews should rise up around the world and violently protest...oh wait, there aren't enough to do so. Why? Because of the Holocaust.
Idiots.

Ah, after living in the Southern U.S., the East Coast and California, it's so nice to not have to worry about earthquakes, hurricanes and tornadoes

2006-12-08T15:24:00.000Z

Uh, nevermind.

I have discovered

2006-12-07T10:46:00.000Z

that not everyone in my office feels the same way about Tina Turner that I do.

The problem with going to hear Handel's Messiah at St. Paul's Cathedral when you've had too many late nights in a row prior to that

2006-12-07T10:43:00.000Z

is that some parts of "Messiah" are just so soothing...almost to the point of causing drowsiness, or in my case, complete slumber. Don't worry I wasn't the only one and I did wake myself up way in advance of the Hallelujah chorus.

Tenacious D

2006-12-04T15:00:00.000Z

The D stands for Donut of course, my Napoleon-esque boston terrier who is staying w/ my parents. Note the size discrepancy between the two dogs as they play tug o' war. This photo was snapped shortly before Donut succeeded in dragging Schwartz (my parents' dog) across the floor by pulling on the rope. Isn't she scrappy...not to mention downright sexy?

How TiVo saved Thanksgiving

2006-11-26T19:33:00.000Z

It's a classic Texas dilemma: you want to enjoy the togetherness and deliciousness of a Thanksgiving meal with your family, but dangit the Cowboys always play in the afternoon on Thanksgiving Day. So what's a family like mine to do, especially with a father, brothers and a recent ex-pat who refuse to miss the game? Eat way later? Eat turkey for breakfast?
Thank goodness this Thanksgiving was held at my brother's house. Why? Because Micah has TiVo. With a flick of a pause button we gathered for the gluttonous exercise that is Thanksgiving, prayed, laughed and shared what we were thankful for, and then whoosh, back to the living room, resume game, fast forward through commercials and bam, all is well.
And that's how TiVo saved Thanksgiving.

Great things about trip back to the U.S. so far (surprisingly only a few are food related)...

2006-11-20T23:13:00.000Z

1. Getting to celebrate my brother Jonathan's birthday with him for the first time in over a decade. With Chinese food, cake and Shiner Bock.
2. Watching the Cowboys beat the previously undefeated Colts with the whole family.
3. Pumpkin spiced lattes from Sbux. That don't cost three pouns (close to $6).
4. Getting a Michael Kors sweater for $6.99 at Ross. (Yeah that's about three pounds.)
5. Black and white cookies from Cindi's Deli. Yes, we stopped on the way home from the airport.
6. Going shopping with my dad for his first (yes, first) cell phone. Welcome to the 20th (yes, 20th) century, Pops.
7. Seeing Donut, Professor and my parents' dog Schwartz all playing together in the backyard.
8. Jonathan giving me his last Resigned to Fate shirt (that's one of his bands). RTF 'til Deaf!
9. Services at my parents' congregation. Well, not the cleaning up part.

I'll stop at 9.

Soundtrack to Landing at DFW last PM

2006-11-17T17:58:00.000Z

Good ol' Jimmie Dale Gilmore...

Dallas

Did you ever see Dallas from a DC9 at night
Well Dallas is a jewel oh yeah Dallas is a beautiful sight
And Dallas is a jungle but Dallas gives a beautiful light
Did you ever see Dallas from a DC9 at night

Well Dallas is a woman who will walk on you when you're down
When you are up she's the kind you want to take around
But Dallas ain't a woman to help you get your feet on the ground
And Dallas is a woman who will walk on you when you're down

Well I came in to Dallas with the bright lights on my mind
Well I came in to Dallas with a dollar and a dime

Well Dallas is a rich man with a death wish in his eyes
A steel and concrete soul and a warm hearted love disguise
A rich man who tends to believe in his own lies
Yeah Dallas is a rich man with a death wish in his eyes

Well I came in to Dallas with the bright lights on my mind
Well I came in to Dallas with a dollar and a dime

Did you ever see Dallas from a DC9 at night
Well Dallas is a jewel oh yeah Dallas is a beautiful sight
And Dallas is a jungle but Dallas gives a beautiful light
Did you ever see Dallas from a DC9 at night

Borat

2006-11-04T23:33:00.000Z

The thing about Borat is that it is hilarious and deliciously clever at several points. It is also completely a movie for its time.

In ten years or so, people of my generation will try to get their kids to watch it and the kids totally won't get it and the parents will have to explain all sorts of references ("See, there was this U.S. President, George Bush...and that scary looking old lady named Pamela Anderson that you see hosting infomercials used to be hot..."

and the children will nod blankly...

My theme song for today that I just made up for myself.

2006-11-02T17:10:00.000Z

Goes like this: "Might as well face it, you're addicted to Fark."

Tacky Headline o' the Day

2006-10-31T17:38:00.000Z

I know that having resided in Britain, where one of the major papers recently ran the headline, "How do you solve a problem like Korea", I should be used to journalistic tackitude. But today's salute to tack comes from the NY Daily News, which decided to go with: 'Reese's marriage in pieces'.

Things that make you go, "Ew."

2006-10-29T15:37:00.000Z

Wow. I'm sure that the state of Texas tourism office has considered many, many taglines for travel brochures, but now they can officially add, "Texas: the state that brought you fried Coke."

Curiously enough.

2006-10-21T19:53:00.000+01:00

I googled the phrase "American Londoner" and it only came back with 82 pages.

P.S. Then I googled the word "googled" and it came up with 3,880,000 pages.

Read it and weep.

2006-10-19T22:25:00.000+01:00

So after my eye doctor appointment today, I did a little reading about what benefits are available from my local council for people with severe visual impairments. It turns out that one of them is a discount at the cinema for the partially sighted person and a companion of their choice.
Cuz yeah, blind people just love to go to the movies.

Perhaps they should add the following benefits: driving lessons, bowling passes and a stargazing adventure.

I'll tell ya what's sad...

2006-10-18T18:04:00.000+01:00

4:45 this afternoon: go to get coffee, forget to get loyalty card stamped.
5:45 (now): still bugging me.

Can this be right?

2006-10-16T14:57:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine who recently moved to London told me Saturday night that she already unknowingly committed two London dating faux pas:

1. She expected the guy to pay for dinner, even though it was the second date and not the first.
2. She accepted a man's invitation for a drink, but had made post-drink plans, so when the man asked her to go to dinner after the drink, she told him she had these plans...and hasn't heard from him since.

My friend was subsequently told that a| she shouldn't expect the man to pay for dinner after the first date, that that's just not done here, and b) she definitely should have left the whole evening free when the second man asked her out for a drink.

I told my friend that I would put this tale of woe up on my blog to see if any of the four people who read it could offer some insight regarding this Secret London Dating Code.

Thoughts?

Ha! I knew it wasn't just me!

2006-10-15T14:51:00.000+01:00

from good ol' Wikipedia:

Coulrophobia is a mental condition concerning the fear of clowns and mime artists. It has attracted a large amount of interest in the entertainment media and on the Internet, where websites have been created to specifically address the condition.

I haven't felt this big a sense of validation since reading recently that Scarlett Johansson's first crush was on David Bowie in Labyrinth. Yeah, that's right. Just like me.

Ah the comfort of consensus.

time to pimp the friend.

2006-10-11T22:43:00.000+01:00

www.danielameyer.com

her unabashed joy never ceases to...well, it just never ceases.

I kid you not; I've actually heard people say this today.

2006-10-02T17:54:00.000+01:00

Why on earth would anybody wish someone a "Happy Yom Kippur"?

The Monarchy

2006-09-20T23:11:00.000+01:00

It's starting to grow on me. More later.

You British people and your snappy retorts....

2006-09-14T23:19:00.000+01:00

So favorite "snap" of today...in response to my diatribe against Marmite, T* at work listened for awhile and came back with, "Well if we're gonna discuss the subject of sandwich fillings, what the heck is bologna?"

I guess you can say he told me.

But Marmite is still yucky. And I hate to break it to y'all, but so is Pimms.

Btw, T* is also the one who pointed out that American football is undeserving of the label because it doesn't actually involve the feet. Curses.

Hey! You know what's kinda fun?

2006-09-07T22:58:00.000+01:00

Going to the airport when you don't have to travel. Went to meet 'Davaria' during their layover at LHR today. Heathrow is a much more fun place when it's not your cosmetics you're surrendering or you who has to wait in the security line. Or you who actually has to get on a plane. So if you can't find me this Saturday night, there's a better than even chance I'll be chillin' at Stanstead.

Hey look! It's NOT ME flying!

Words I've just plain refused to adopt...and why

2006-09-06T22:41:00.000+01:00

While I've gladly incorporated 'chips', 'lift', 'bin', 'rubbish', 'car park' and various other British phrases into my vocabulary there are some I just cannot abide by:

'mobile' for cell phone (because it just sounds silly with my accent)
'kitchen roll' for paper towel (because you use it in places other than the kitchen)
'buttons' for remote control (because that's just wrong)
'sweets' for candy (because I just can't get into the habit and because the song 'I want Sweets' just wouldn't be the same...)
'cinema' for movies (cuz it's really hard to master the phrase, 'I'm going to the cinema to see the new Queen Latifah film...'
'aluminium' for aluminum (why would i put more syllables into a word...the same goes for 'disorientated' instead of disoriented...yes you could say it that way, but why??)
'hoover' for vacuum cleaner (just because)
'zed' (did nobody see pulp fiction?)

More to follow I'm sure.

All this for just £5.40

2006-09-01T16:32:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I had five reminders of Why I Hate 'the Tube.'
1. At 9:46 AM I heard my least favorite six words: 'Severe delays on the Northern Line.'
2. The armpit(s) of the man in front of me when I finally got on said Northern Line, which was 18 different types of smelly.
3. My travelcard was somehow de-activated from the get-go, so at each station I had to ask a man in an orange vest to let me through.
4. At the end of the work day, as I was riding the escalator down to the depths of Waterloo station, it abruptly broke down, sending people lurching forward and then back as they all braced themselves. OK, so that part was kind of funny.
5. One of the stations I was trying to get to was closed due to 'overcrowding'? Yeah figure that one out.

If liking We Are Scientists makes me a cheesehead...

2006-08-22T14:32:00.000+01:00

then let me be guilty.

Answer: 19 October 2006

2006-08-15T16:40:00.000+01:00

Question: What date did Whipps Cross Hospital give me as their next available opthamology appointment?

Not kidding. Gotta *love* the NHS.

From Portland with Love

2006-08-10T22:00:00.000+01:00

As you can see, the pups were eager to let me know they hadn't forgotten...

my (first) birthday cupcake*

2006-08-10T21:29:00.000+01:00

I know, it's a thing of beauty, courtesy of the Hummingbird Bakery in Notting Hill.

* which was quickly followed by my second birthday cupcake...

Sarcasm chasm

2006-08-08T15:40:00.000+01:00

Having been told by a co-worker that my last post demonstrates a typical American lack of understanding regarding the British use of sarcasm, I hereby clarify: I FREAKING LOVED PRAGUE!
My apologies to my swarms of British fans...(see, I can do sarcasm).

Czech please.

2006-08-06T09:27:00.000+01:00

OK so how enamoured was I with Prague.

My Most Exciting Purchase Today

2006-07-30T19:38:00.000+01:00

My most exciting purchase today was a passport wallet. Why? Because in three days I'm meeting my MA and some of her peeps in Prague and then we're going to Vienna for a day. YAY! Tips on "what to do with 48 hours in Prague/ Vienna" welcome. :)

There must be a point....

2006-07-26T18:04:00.000+01:00

There must be a point at which it gets so hot it's actually legal to kill people.

So an American walks into a McDonald's...

2006-07-22T20:11:00.000+01:00

Recently, on the way back from a conference, J* stopped at the McDonald's in the Cambridge Motor Services. (J* is an American who has lived in the UK for going on 20 years now.)
British people will be the first to tell you that they "know how to queue" (line up). However at the McD's, there were four registers open and one queue for all of them that was beginning to stretch out into the main shopping area, blocking other people from getting by the McD's.
So J* figured the logical thing to do was begin a new queue at one of the open tills, which would more evenly distribute the people at each of the four registers. But as he moved to do so, he was accosted by a tall, lanky British guy about 30 years old or so, who got right in his face and said, "Now how's that fair?! What if one queue moves faster than another one?!?" When J* tried to explain that the queue was getting unruly, the British guy, noting J*'s accent, yelled, "If you don't like it, get the **** back on the boat to America!"
Dialogue from here:
J*: "I've been here for 20 years, sir."
Angry British guy; "Hey we had rationing in THIS country, so we know how to queue, alright! Here, why don't you just cut in front of me, would that make you happy? Eh?!?"
J*: "No, that's ok, I'm not really in that much of a hurry."
Now, several responses could have been made to Angry British guy, aside from the obvious two fingers.
1. You're 30. You weren't even *around* during the WW2 rationing.
2. Well, apparently you missed the brain rations day.
3. You're telling ME to go back to America when you're in line to buy food in McDonald's?? Why don't YOU go to America if McD's is so important to you. There are tons of them there...Oh wait, the way we line up may bother you to no end so nevermind.
4. I've paid taxes and National Insurance here for 20 years, idiot, so if I go back to the US, that's less money the NHS will have to reverse your lobotomy.
5. Are you on crack? Seriously, are you?

I think the thing that bothers me MOST about this episode is that if I were ever to say the equivalent to someone who had immigrated to the US, i.e. told a Mexican gentleman to get back on the boat to where he came from, I would be lambasted and hung from the politically correct gallows...and rightly so. But here it's perfectly acceptable to treat Americans like space invaders. I'm not saying there aren't obnoxious Americans out there, but please. So Angry British guy, if you're out there, just shut up and eat your Big Mac.

Two fun things about yesterday.

2006-07-16T16:13:00.000+01:00

1. GREAT haircut by Jose at Taylor Taylor.

2.

In Response....

2006-07-14T14:10:00.000+01:00

R*s blog the other day reported: 'According to the July 10 New York Post, a professor from the University of Pennsylvania has been recruited to train other educators—in England—on how to teach "lessons in happiness." These lessons are for 11-year-olds in state schools and are meant to combat "a huge rise in depression."'

R* wonders what could be so wrong over here that 11-year-olds would need happy classes. To be honest, I'm not sure. I mean, yes, there's a tax on practically everything and the tube is hot and smelly and you can't find a Slurpee around here to save your life....on the other hand, the sun doesn't go down until 10 PM these days, there are free music conerts everywhere and Avenue Q finally go here, so yay.

Then again....

*That's* pretty depressing.

I don't even know you...

2006-07-13T16:25:00.000+01:00

So I don't quite get why you'd call me 'love', 'hon' or 'darlin.'

I don't get it.

2006-07-04T09:49:00.000+01:00

If they *can* make deoderant that doesn't leave white stuff on your shirt, then why don't they just make *all* deoderant that way? I mean, are there people out there who actually *prefer* to have white smudges on their clothes?

Well it was fun while it lasted.

2006-07-02T19:28:00.000+01:00

And I want everyone to know how hard I worked to NOT put a "World Cup Runneth Over" post on after the England/ Portugal match. So there.

It makes for a somewhat more sensible cheer....

2006-06-26T15:45:00.000+01:00

"Go England!"

(Yes now that America is at the sinkbed of the World Cup chart, it makes sense for me to throw my newfound football enthusiasm toward my adopted country's team and to pretend they've been my favorite....err, favourite all along.)

It makes for a somewhat awkward cheer...

2006-06-17T23:32:00.000+01:00

"Yay! We...didn't lose!"

A 3-"nil" loss nonwithstanding...

2006-06-16T14:27:00.000+01:00

I refused to let the rump-kicking America got the other night damper my newly-found football fever, so yesterday I watched my "other" country play (and finally beat) Trinidad and Tobago. And as exciting as that was, I have to say that overall, the best adjective to describe the sport of football, I think, would be "tantric"...a whole lotta action, and nobody ever scores.

Fever Part 2

2006-06-10T18:31:00.000+01:00

The truth is, due to my unwavering loyalty to my senior year of high school boyfriend, until two weeks ago, I figured I'd witnessed enough soccer matches (sorry, but that's what we call it over across that there pond). I figured I'd put in enough time enthusiastically cheering for a game wherein scoring seemed next to impossible back when I was 17. So when I moved to England and a friend remarked,"Ohhh you'll be there for the World Cup; that'll be craaaazy" I was less than plussed (I figure if there's a non-plussed there can be a less than).
But seeing all these England flags pop up all over the place, and people at school picking their teams in the pool C* drew up and fnding little Diet Coke bottles in the shape of s----r balls at the grocery store....not to mention the new FABULOUS Krispy Kreme World Cup Doughnut....well, it's hard to not get sucked in. I'm a bit dismayed to read about the violence that took place a couple of hours ago at Canary Wharf where they broadcast the England game on two giant screens (especially considering probably everyone there was supporting the same team). Nonetheless, I intend to watch Monday as the American team plays the first game in their series...yup, that's right, I who thought those days were over. I *might* even begin referring to the game as football.
So Woohoo World Cup!
Then again, I might just be in it for the doughnuts..

Oh no, I think I have it.

2006-06-10T18:27:00.000+01:00

That's right. World Cup fever. Who'd a thunk it?

"What is that strange yellow orb of light in the sky???" or "And you thought tea was for drinking..."

2006-06-04T23:32:00.000+01:00

In an amazing-weather stupor I dragged my friend D* to my friend R*'s b-day picnic yesterday and managed to acquire my first sunburn o' the year. Those of you who know me know I'm normally an spf-45 kinda girl, but I guess there was part of me that remained in such disbelief about the aforementioned good weather (this being London and all) so I didn't re-apply enough. Hence the burn.
But here's a tip for y'all: Dunk some teabags in some warm water and apply them to your skin and it totally takes the sting away. I think I owe that l'il tidbit of info to the New York Public Library Desk Reference book, which if you don't own it, you should. And here British people thought tea was merely meant to be imbibed at half-hour intervals throughout the day....
Anyway, the picnic was gooooooorgeous: cans of cider and cones of melty ice cream and light breezes and people with puppies. Happy Birthday, R*!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go scrub the tea-stains from my shoulders. :)

Pet Peeve of the Day

2006-05-30T21:13:00.000+01:00

(Note to self: the next pet I own shall be named Peeve.)
OK moving on. I have decided that I hate-hate-hate 'advertorials'....you know, those ads in mags that *look* like articles with intriguing titles so you start reading them and think, 'Wow this magazine really likes these Biore nose strips...' only to look up at the top of the page and see in faint print, 'promotion' or 'special advertising section' or some such euphemism for 'FAKE FEATURE STORY.' Whose idea *was* this ruse? I don't know, but for the record, it's aggravating. Bring back in-your-face-non-subtle-none-too-clever-brightly-colored-magazine-engulfing-ads, I beg you.